this is the part where i fast forward through the grieving process and accept the things i cannot change. i'm medically disqualified from ever going back into the military. although it was only 2 days ago that i announced to the world that i was going to be a marine, i have spent years wanting to be one. years wishing i had trusted my gut at the age of 20. years knowing that the only reason i am not now a marine is because i never believed in myself enough to go do it.this of course begs the question, where do i go from here? what do i do with my life? do i go to vegas to be with ashley and joe? do i stay here and find a new dream to chase?
2009 is like a big blank canvas. tina will either downward spiral into a heap of misery and depression while becoming paralyzed by options and indecision and self doubt thus painting the canvas with shit or she will decorate the canvas with the glitter that is her awesomeness and the aesthetically pleasing bold lettering that is her success.
i need to believe that 4 years on active duty, 8 months in honor guard carrying caskets and 1 iraqi campaign medal is enough. i am in a glass case of emotion.
2 comments:
I'm really sorry Tina. I know it was important to you. As cliche as it sounds I think it's a sign that there is something else you're supposed to do. You have a gift with words and compassion and I suspect that you will be needed here or where ever it is that you land. I consider you something of a free spirit and like the idea that you might flit from one thing to the next, having your magic touch on as much as possible.
erin, you are such a sweet lady. and you are soooooo right. i've realised that this means i get to be awesome at something else. maybe i'll be a wedding planner or a deep sea fisher person. whatever it is, i promise to make you proud and keep using my words and having compassion. ciao baby!
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